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This paper was presented at the Association for Education in Journalism and
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Unraveling The Knot:
Hegemony, Gender, and Weddings in Mass Media
by
Erika Engstrom
University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Box 4052
4505 Maryland Parkway
Las Vegas, NV 89154-4052
E-mail: [log in to unmask]
Phone: (702) 895-1817
Submitted to the Cultural and Critical Studies Division
for presentation at the 2005 annual convention of the Association for
Education in Journalism and Mass Communication, San Antonio, TX
Unraveling The Knot:
The Hegemony, Gender, and Weddings in Mass Media
The U.S. bridal industry is estimated at between $50 and $70 billion
annually; the potential for this market is huge: nearly 2.4 million
marriages are performed each year (Gibbons, 2003). The investment of
money and time that goes into the traditional wedding, with the
average "big" wedding costing some $20,000, makes it not only a major
event, but also a major expense for those starting married life; more
than half of couples who choose hold a wedding pay for it all
themselves (Ellerbee & Tessem, 2001). This wedding consumerism often
leads to couples starting their married life in debt (Currie, 1993).
Gibbons (2003) notes that wedding media tend to promote the
materialistic side of weddings over its purpose as a gateway to
marriage. Bridal magazines, she notes in her 2003 online article for
Women's eNews, "are little more than wish books in fashion and home
furnishings supplemented by Web sites linked to advertisers." As
Filak (2002) found in his content analysis of Bride's magazine and
its compatriot publication Glamour, Bride's contained more
advertising and less editorial material on marriage and
relationships. Ads for beauty products and dresses made up the bulk
of the publication, Filak concluded, providing evidence for Gibbons'
(2003) assertion.
Bridal media in general "rev up" expectations for big weddings (and
subsequent "happy" marriages) as well as the complexity and cost of
the event, contends Gibbons (2003). Today, one easily finds myriad
bridal and wedding gown magazines at any supermarket or newsstand,
with titles such as Bride's, Modern Bride, Elegant Bride, Bridal
Guide, Bliss for Brides, BrideNoir (for women of color), Martha
Stewart's Weddings, Wedding Dresses Magazine, and newer, specialized
titles such as The Wedding Channel.com's Wedding Bells, InStyle
Weddings, and Allure Bride (from the publishers of Allure
magazine). These publications concentrate on bridal accoutrements,
from gowns to accessories, from party favors to jewelry.
Various television programs have been added to the bridal media
milieu. These programs purport to give their mostly female viewers a
real life look at how "ordinary" couples today go about planning and
spending that average $20,000, while expounding on the virtues of
romance and the wonder of finally finding true love. For example,
The Learning Channel's A Wedding Story, one of the first programs in
the wedding reality genre, offers viewers a familiar version of the
wedding, which requires the white wedding gown for the bride, a
church ceremony, and outward indication of expense at the reception
(Engstrom, 2003; Engstrom & Semic, 2003). Lifetime's (self described
as "Television for Women") Weddings of a Lifetime gives viewers fairy
tale weddings, literally, while serving as advertisements for
particular venues and services, specifically, Disney World's Fairy
Tale Wedding Pavilion (Levine, 2005). These programs perpetuate the
wedding ideal forwarded by bridal magazines and other wedding-related
media by focusing on wedding planning and its fruition, rather than
on the creation and maintenance of the relationships of their participants.
Taken together, bridal magazines and the portrayal of the lavish
wedding across media furthers a socially endorsed hegemony, the
"dominant cultural and political order" (Zompetti, 1997, p. 72),
regarding the importance of the wedding as the endpoint of romantic
relationships—and life goal for women. This hegemony, as defined by
Gitlin (1980), results in "a silent domination that is not
experienced as domination at all" (p. 241). The process by which we
come to commonsense notions about love, romance, and marriage is
"subtle and ongoing," a "latent complexity rather than manifest
conspiracy" (Lewis, 1997, p. 168).
This paper examines the hegemonic messages sent about weddings and
the role of the bride (and women in general) by a particular bridal
media company: The Knot, which claims to be the "#1 wedding website
with 2.1 million unique visitors a month (www.theknot.com). In
addition to its website, The Knot brand extends to magazines, with
the publication the Knot Magazine, a series of books, and, most
recently, in partnership with the cable outlet Oxygen, the reality
television program Real Weddings from the Knot. I focus here on the
various cross-over alliances and relationships of the Knot and how
these serve to promote a particular viewpoint regarding weddings, and
to a broader extent, gender roles.
I base my inquiry of the messages contained in The Knot's reality
television program, which contends to give viewers the real stories
of real weddings from the perspective of real brides. My purpose
here is to elucidate how The Knot and its television version, Real
Weddings from The Knot, promote traditional gender roles and support
a hegemony regarding traditional gender roles for women, and help to
maintain a status quo that reinforces requirements of femininity,
which encompasses the creation of "woman" through cosmetics (Peiss,
1996; Boden, 2003) and consumerism (Pringle, 1992; Bowlby, 1996),
rather than feminism, defined generally here as the progress by women
toward egalitarianism.1 My research question, then, is: What
messages about weddings and women, particularly their role as bride,
does the program Real Weddings from The Knot convey?
To answer this, I first provide a review of recent wedding-related
research in general and research that addresses wedding hegemony in
particular. I then discuss The Knot and its various brand extensions
and the back story of Real Weddings from the Knot. A qualitative
analysis of episodes will serve as the basis for my discussion of how
this program, coupled with The Knot's various media alliances,
forwards a specific agenda: the creation and reinforcement of
socialized desires that hinder feminism while promoting traditional
feminine roles and expectations. In doing so, I aim to contribute to
what Dow (1990), in Prime Time Feminism, called the "ongoing feminist
critique" examining how women are devalued in "the process of
cultural reproduction" (p. 262).
Wedding Research: Approaches and Common Themes
Only recently have weddings been studied seriously by those in the
communication and sociology fields. Approaches include ethnography,
in which researchers have documented the bricolage of wedding rituals
from different cultures. Examples include Leeds-Hurwitz's
examination of the rituals incorporated in cross-cultural weddings in
Wedding as Text: Communicating Cultural Identities through Ritual
(2002) and Goldstein-Gidoni's (1997) participant-observation of the
contemporary Japanese wedding parlors in Packaged
Japaneseness: Weddings, Business, and Brides.
As Goldstein-Gidoni also addresses the economic and business side of
the wedding industry in Japan, Boden (2003) examines the wedding
industry in Great Britain in Consumerism, Romance and the Wedding
Experience. Boden describes the creation of the "superbride" by
bridal magazines, a role which allows women to both control every
aspect of their wedding while still immersing themselves in feminine
pleasures of the fairy-tale wedding in which they play the role of
"star." Consumerism also serves as the focus of Otnes and Pleck's
(2003) non-critical examination of the bridal industry and history of
wedding merchandising in the U.S. in their recent book Cinderella
Dreams: The Allure of the Lavish Wedding. They conclude that
weddings allow women, who now can earn their own money and spend it
as they please, to escape the mundane aspects of daily life through
the planning and creation of fantasy weddings. Winge and Eicher
(2004) specifically examine the appeal of fantasy and theme weddings,
using an ethnographic approach. Fantasy weddings, which employ
specific themes, such as "medieval" and Mardi Gras, let wedding
couples and guests play out roles they otherwise could not.
Feminist scholars also have begun to study the wedding industry in
terms of the gendered messages contained in wedding rituals,
preparation (such as the process of choosing a wedding gown), and
mass media. In Here Comes the Bride: Women, Weddings, and the
Marriage Mystique (2001), Geller points out that feminists have
ignored the bridal industry as a subject in need of critical
examination. In addition to a historical review of wedding rituals
and their meanings and an ethnographic study of bridal salons, Geller
critiques weddings and marriage as presented in popular films, such
as American Beauty. She concludes that wedding-related media and
social practice combine to socialize women into believing that their
personal fulfillment as a gender depends on becoming a man's wife,
and that the achievement of this goal can be achieved through the
lavish, "white" wedding.
Geller (2001) indirectly invokes hegemony to explain the "marriage
mystique," as does Ingraham in her critique of the wedding industry,
White Weddings: Romancing Heterosexuality in Popular Culture
(1999). Ingraham approaches her analysis using materialist feminism,
which argues that "the nexus of social arrangements and institutions
that form the social totalities of patriarchy and capitalism regulate
our everyday lives by distributing cultural power and economic
resources unevenly according to gender, race, class, and sexuality"
(1999, p. 19).
"Weddings, marriage, romance, and heterosexuality become naturalized
to the point where we consent to the belief that marriage is
necessary to achieve a sense of well-being, belonging, passion,
morality, and love," wrote Ingraham (1999). This hegemony
encompasses our commonsense and unquestioned notions about marriage,
such as the expectation that women buy into, literally, the wedding
ideal, and that this ideal is reserved only for heterosexual
couples. Both Geller (2000) and Ingraham (1999) address the inherent
heterosexism conveyed by wedding media, as does Freeman in The
Wedding Complex (2002), in which she uses performance theory to
analyze literature and films in which weddings serve as the
plots. Freeman concludes that weddings, and by extension, naturally,
marriage, privilege heterosexuality.
Several studies have used hegemony theory specifically to analyze
wedding-related media. Lewis (1997) used hegemony to examine the
gendered messages contained in wedding photography. Wedding
photography, contends Lewis, illustrates notions of perfection,
"ideal" body language, and glorification of the bride in all her
finery, and legitimizes consumerism through the acceptance of its
high cost and necessity. Regarding reality television programs about
weddings, in essence the video version of wedding photography,
hegemony explains the commonality of wedding depictions. Engstrom
(2003) applied hegemony as defined by Dow (1990), "the creation of a
continual, repetitive message by those who adhere to a common
worldview" to examine the reality program A Wedding Story. "The show
itself repeatedly conveys that for women, the wedding day serves as
the high point of their lives," Engstrom concluded (p. 13). Engstrom
also mentions the "underlying hegemony of heterosexuality" of the
program, illustrating a common theme among recent wedding research (p. 14).
Levine's (2005) study of Weddings of a Lifetime addresses the appeal
of the heterosexual romance as well. That program, consisting a
series of special weddings, several of which took place at Walt
Disney World with Cinderella's castle as backdrop, featured "real"
fantasy weddings which illustrates the "ongoing circulation of a
Disney specialty, the traditional romance narrative" (p. 78). Levine
also discusses how gender roles in the program, such as the groom's
proposal (rather than the bride making the proposal) help to "assist
the continuation of heterosexual hegemony through the creation of a
new family unit" (p. 79).
Weddings of a Lifetime, Levine (2005) points out, serves as an
example of media conglomeration in that it was shown on Lifetime,
which is co-owned by ABC, which, in turn, is owned by the Walt Disney
Company. The Fairy Tale Wedding Department at Disney World thus had
an ideal promotional venue through the reality show, which disguised
somewhat the "informercial genre" in which dress designers and tuxedo
manufacturers received publicity (Levine, 2005). In a sense, then,
Weddings of a Lifetime serves as a example of both media hegemony,
illustrated by what Levine termed the "synergistic melding" (p. 71)
of Lifetime, ABC, and Disney, as well as cultural hegemony, in the
form of the familiar, heterosexual romance narrative featuring
white-gowned bride and tuxedoed groom, accentuated by a lavish,
expense wedding.
In the current study, I examine how the Knot promotes hegemony
concerning not only consumerism associated with weddings, but also
the common themes of previous research in this area, specifically,
gender roles of women and heterosexism of the romance narrative of
weddings. While its web site and magazine clearly promote
consumerism, through advertisements and alliances with retailers, I
examine the main themes illustrated in its reality program, Real
Weddings from the Knot and how they contribute to a hegemony of
weddings and gender in which certain values become "the natural,
unpolitical state of things accepted by each and everyone" (van
Zoonen, 1994, p. 24).
The Knot: Unraveling Media Ties
The Knot.com launched on America Online in September 1996. Founded
by "four good friends, two of whom had barely survived their own
wedding due to the lack of updated information and real-world
resources available" ("The Knot: About Us," 2005), the Knot now
serves as "wedding central" online, with links to various
wedding-item retailers, and claims to be the largest online retailer
of wedding favors and supplies. Brides- (and grooms) to-be can click
on links such as "Wedding Planning," "Wedding Budgeter," "Wedding
Fashion," Bridal Beauty," and "Grooms" (who only have one link
dedicated to them). According to its "The Knot at a Glance" fact
sheet, the knot.com is the only wedding brand on AOL, MSN, and Yahoo
Internet portals. The Knot also has established marketing alliances
with May Department Stores Company, the umbrella company of
Robinsons-May, Filene's and Famous-Barr, under which the Knot
promotes these stores' wedding registry services ("The May Department
Stores" press release, 2002).
In 2002, the Knot Magazine debuted with a 500+ page issue priced at
$9.99 ("The Knot magazine debuts on newsstands," 2002). In addition
to its online and magazine versions, the Knot publishes a series of
books covering the gamut of wedding-related necessities, with titles
such as The Knot Book of Wedding Gowns, The Knot Book of Wedding
Flowers, and The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and
Traditions. Specialty publications include The Knot Weddings which
feature "real" weddings in various regions and major cities (such as
DC-Maryland, Ohio, Florida, New York Metro).
According to its annual report of earnings, in 2004 the Knot's net
revenues totaled $41.4 million. Most of it ($17.6 million) came from
sponsors and advertising, including local vendor and national
advertising sales, with merchandising accounting for $13.1 million,
and its publishing ventures bringing in $10.7 million ("Annual
Report," 2005).
The Knot's media holdings continue to expand, with the acquisition of
GreatBoyfriends.com, a site where women recommend men to other women,
and TheNest.com, a site devoted to all the domestic necessities of
newlyweds just setting up house. The Knot Magazine includes
full-page promotions for these web sites; with directions for readers
to consult the Knot.com web site throughout its editorial content
(for example, a spread on rings and fine jewelry ends a caption with
the directive "…search for more gorgeous jewelry at
TheKnot.com/jewelry"). In March 2005, the Knot announced the debut
of its online TV channel, the Knot TV, linked to its main web site's
"Talk" section. The program schedule relies on Real Weddings from
the Knot, but other shows are being developed, such as bridal
makeover programs that would feature one brand of cosmetics (Tedeschi, 2005).
The Knot's multiplicity of media and merchandising alliances
represents a hegemony regarding the marketing of wedding products and
etiquette, which conveys a common and familiar message: in order to
get married, people (that is, women) must adhere to the current
standards regarding requisite products. Not only does the Knot serve
this clientele with information on proper practices, but one can find
everything needed for the proper wedding on its web site and various
retail affiliates. Cross-promoting its goods and services across
print and online media allows the Knot greater reach, which includes
entertainment programming in the form of reality television. Though
supposedly based in documentary genre, I contend that the "reality"
version of the Knot forwards its self-interest through the disguised
portrayal of everyday life which endorses traditional gender roles of
women, and the ideal of the "big, white wedding" it so well promotes
in its online and print outlets.
Oxygen's Real Weddings from the Knot
Real Weddings from the Knot debuted in 2003 as a joint venture
between the Knot and the Oxygen cable network. Oxygen, co-founded by
Oprah Winfrey, is independently owned and operated and available to
52 million cable households ("About Oxygen," 2005). Its mission,
according to its website, is "to bring women (and the men who love
them) the edgiest, most innovative entertainment on television"
("About Oxygen," 2005). Presented on Oxygen during cross-promoted
"Wedding Weeks" about twice a year, the program features couples from
"all walks of life with all kinds of weddings" ("Oxygen Proposes to
the Knot," 2004). Oxygen claims that viewership increased by 100%
between the show's premiere in 2003 and the June 2004 "Weddings Week"
to 2.7 million, termed a "ratings hit" by the Knot's editor in chief,
though actual ratings are unclear ("Oxygen Proposes to the Knot," 2004).
Each 30-minute episode follows the wedding couple as they prepare
for their wedding, often weeks in advance. Voice-over narration from
the bride introduces and concludes each episode, other audio comes
from natural sound and participants (such as the groom, parents,
family members, wedding coordinators) who speak directly into the
camera. Viewers watch as couples write their own vows, choose
flowers, put together party favors, and perform other wedding-related
activities. For each season of Real Weddings from the Knot, episodes
are presented in weekend marathons, ending with a special "wedding
gown" fashion show. Episodes during the marathon are interspersed
with short segments on wedding tips from the Knot's editor in
chief. As of January 2005, a total of 21 episodes had aired on
Oxygen since the series' inception.
Method
This qualitative content analysis consisted of 20 episodes of Real
Weddings from the Knot; copyright and air dates range from 2003 to
2005.2 Similar to Hall and Hebert's (2003) textual analysis of
reality television makeover programs, in which they identified
specific patterns and interpreted their findings in terms of the
larger perspective of the role of physical beauty in feminine
identity, I viewed these episodes and looked for repeated activities,
phrases, images, and behaviors of brides, especially, as they
prepared for their weddings.
I especially noted brides' activities as they got ready for their
weddings, such as bridal gown fittings, and overseeing of wedding
planning. I also noted common themes regarding presentation of the
bride (make-up and clothing), and consumerism that relate to
femininity, as well as the overall message conveyed about the wedding
process by the series as a whole.
The Typical "Real" Wedding
Of the 20 couples, 13 were both Caucasian, four were both
African-American, and four I considered as intercultural (these
couples included: Amy (Caucasian) and Bill (Chinese-American); Sarah
(half Caucasian, half Hawaiian) and Mark (Hawaiian); Alem (Mexican)
and Johannes (Ethiopian); and while both were Caucasian, Katie
(Irish) and Gus (Colombian). Intercultural couples incorporated
rituals from their respective cultures, illustrating the bricolage of
wedding rituals documented by Leeds-Hurwitz (2003). For example, Amy
gave a greeting in Mandarin to her new Chinese in-laws, Sarah
performs a traditional Hawaiian dance at her reception, and Alem and
Johannes included traditional rituals such as his formally asking her
parents for her hand in marriage, and a Mariachi band at their
sumptuous art-museum reception.
Most of the couples clearly lived together and had their own homes
or were in the process of buying a home prior to the wedding. Some
couples had been together for years; for example, Amy and Bill had
been together for eight years; Whitney and Jeff, both in their
twenties, were together for seven years, live together and have
served as guardians for Whitney's little sister for three years.
Several brides and grooms had previous marriages and/or children; for
example, Sarah-Jane, a 28-year-old divorcee, had a little daughter
and her husband-to-be Nate, 45, had been married three times before,
and also had children. Only one couple, Christin and Michael,
address the traditional symbolism of the wedding as the consummation
of their relationship; both are devout Christians in their twenties
who openly talk about the fact that they are virgins.
Couples' ages and occupations are not consistently mentioned in the
episodes; however, this information is included on the Knot's
website, which features a separate web page for each episode, listing
couples' full names, ages, occupations, wedding location, and
merchandise and vendor details. Couples range in age from early
twenties to late forties. All are heterosexual, which re-establishes
the hegemonic ideal of weddings as reserved for heterosexual couples only..
All weddings in Real Weddings from the Knot followed the familiar
"white wedding" format with the following elements: some type of
ceremony, the brides all wear some form of the formal white wedding
gown, couples repeat traditional vows or read their own vows before
an officiant, numerous guests, followed by reception with
dancing. Weddings ranged in scale from elaborate productions, such
as the Harlem Renaissance wedding of Tiffany and Calvin, who married
at the famous Abyssinian Church with the whole congregation as guests
and whose reception featured the renowned Wynton Marsalis playing
trumpet and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg making a toast, to the
"down home" Texas barbecue reception of Whitney and
Jeff. Geographic locations vary as well, with several destination
weddings, including ones in Mexico, the Bahamas, and Jamaica.
Wedding costs and who pays for the expenses is not mentioned for the
most part; specific dollar amounts are mentioned only in Christin and
Michael's episode, when Christin's mother reviews a list of expenses
and explains how she and Christin's father will pay for the whole
wedding as a "thank you" to Christin for being such a good
daughter. In the case of John and Danielle's (a model, of
course)."Great Gatsby"-style wedding in Newport, Rhode Island, it is
clear that John, a self-made millionaire, is footing the bill.. In
the other episodes, viewers must assume that these weddings are
funded either by the bride's parents or by the couples themselves.
Major Themes in Real Weddings from the Knot
The two real "stars" of Real Weddings from the Knot are the bride and
the wedding itself. Regarding the bride, I categorize recurrent
patterns regarding the endorsement/reinforcement of femininity in
terms of the bride's roles and responsibilities into two major
themes: (1) bride as physical object, illustrated by the emphasis on
her wedding gown and the special care given to her physical
preparation, and (2) bride as "superbride"/manager, who oversees
details of wedding planning and essentially creates her special day
according to her ideals of perfection.
In terms of the wedding itself, I discuss two main messages conveyed
by the program that characterize the "real" wedding of today: (1)
the major and minor problems of wedding planning, which are resolved
with the result of a "perfect" wedding, and (2) the message that the
materialistic aspect of the wedding, as a social event and excuse for
consumerism, holds more significance than a couple's relationship.
Bride as Physical Object
Of all the required accoutrements of the wedding, the bridal gown
holds utmost importance in Real Weddings from the Knot. In all
episodes, brides wear some type of formal, white (or cream-colored)
dress; brides are often shown being fitted for their dresses, many
times with female onlookers, such as mothers, tearfully expressing
how beautiful they look. The term "princess" is used as brides
become the object of their own gaze, as illustrated by the
following: "I feel really pretty. I feel like a princess," comments
23-year-old Jen, a former recording artist who has given up her
career in favor of marriage; "It's starting to hit home, the whole
reason why we're here is this dress…Oh, my god, I feel like a
princess," says Orisha, whose marriage to John comes after they have
already been living together and have a daughter.
For Cara, who claims in her voice-over introduction, "Every bride
dreams of being a princess on her wedding day," her dress serves as a
source of unhappiness, as she tries on her ill-fitting, custom-made
gown: "I don't love it. It's not what I imagined." Her comments
point to the significance a piece of apparel holds—her happiness
hinges on how this dress looks and feels. The "magic" surrounding
the perfect dress holds significance for many of these brides,
several seek the perfection by hiring designers to make a
one-of-a-kind gown, such as Amy, who started looking for dresses a
year before the wedding, and after trying on "100" dresses and not
finding the "right one," had a couturier make one for her. Tiffany,
who has overseen every detail of her New York-Harlem Renaissance
wedding, is shown fitted in a Vera Wang gown, and is given walking
lessons by Andre Leon Talley, prominent Vogue editor. More so than
the bride herself, it is her dress--her "packaging"
(Goldstein-Gidoni, 1997)—rather than her person as a human being that
serves as the center of attention.
Even when gown fittings are not shown, the wedding dress makes
some kind of prominent appearance. For example, Sarah is not shown
trying on her dress prior to the ceremony, but viewers do see her
carrying it in a large garment bag through the airport as she travels
to the wedding locale in her native Hawaii. Brides are seen getting
dressed on the wedding day, often assisted by others due to the
elaborateness and complexity of the "costuming." Recurrent images
also include the bride being formally photographed, with the white
dress serving as the focus of the viewer's gaze. In sum, women about
to be married are transformed into "real" brides once they wear the
wedding gown, which this program emulates as the true mark of the
princess bride.
The other requirement women must meet to become a bride is that they
be made up with cosmetics and their hair done in a special
coiffure. In nearly all episodes, brides, and their female
attendants, are shown at beauty salons on the wedding day, and/or
having their make-up applied by either a make-up artist or
themselves. Katie, a model and dental hygienist, insists on doing
her sisters' make-up and hair herself because she wants them to "look
perfect."
While these brides all undergo beauty regimens of some sort, the
notion that beauty requires pain was especially
noteworthy. Twenty-something Kaijsa, has her hair done in an "up do"
at a beauty salon, and says, "I don't like pain, but if it makes me
look good, I don't care," while wincing as her tiara and veil are
positioned into her coiffure. Especially telling is how this idea of
pain equaling beauty extends to younger female bridal party
members. One of Lori's, (who is marrying Mark, a divorced father)
two young stepdaughters-to-be cries in pain because her hair pins
hurt, as the other comments, "Beauty is pain." Thus, not only do
brides expect to experience some kind of pain or discomfort, this
example illustrates that young girls already understand that beauty
involves some amount of sacrifice, sometimes to the point of crying.
In sum, physical appearance clearly plays a much more important
aspect of "looking the part" for women than for men on the wedding
day (and, indeed, every day); occasionally, one might see a groom at
a barber shop, but his physical appearance does not seem to matter
that much, if at all. As Hall and Hebert (2003) note, make-up
creates feminine identity; women are not truly women without it, or
with the accompanying discomfort required to look beautiful.
Superbride/Manager
In Real Weddings from the Knot, the bride's major responsibilities
are to look beautiful and to oversee the planning of her
wedding. Boden's (2003) "superbride" serves as the role model for
the brides in these episodes, with a common theme pointing to the
traditional view that wedding planning, centered on shopping and
attainment of material goods, falls into the feminine realm (Lowrey &
Otnes, 1994). Brides in this program consistently direct ceremony
rehearsals, tell people what to do and how to act, and oversee
catering, decorating, and her own and others' apparel, even when they
hire wedding coordinators. For example, Catina, who is marrying Todd
in a big church, choreographs the dance numbers for her elaborate
wedding; Katie orders her bridesmaid sisters to "stand up straight"
just as they are to walk into the ceremony. While their grooms do
participate at times, such as making party favors or going to food
tastings to choose their reception menus, final decisions are made by
the brides.
Wedding planning for the most part falls to brides, who must decide
every detail of what is supposed to be their "special day." These
"superbrides" frantically make arrangements, run errands, and ensure
everything from wedding rings to bouquets are accounted for, all the
while commenting to the viewer that they don't mind being frazzled,
because it is worth it. As Lori, who makes last-minute arrangements
at the Bahamian resort where her and Mark's families gather,
comments, "It doesn't bother me that I'm doing most of the planning
by myself, because Mark does all the work when we're at home all week
long," which also infers Lori's role in their relationship. As a
stressed-out Kaijsa goes over the wedding ceremony "script" at her
rehearsal and orders wedding party members around, she says, "If this
works out, as long as Ryan shows up, it'll be fine." Sarah Jane
constantly makes long "to-do" lists, saying "I have 68 things I still
have to do," becomes upset when her fiance Nate still can't remember
the dance steps they have been rehearsing for months, cries every
day, and breaks out in a rash. Sarah Jane's "Job-like" experience
results in a successful wedding, however, making all her stress worth
it: "The hard work paid off and we finally had our own big day," she
says. The importance of the wedding to their future wives is not
lost on the men in these episodes, either. Twenty-something Jeff
comments about Whitney and her wedding plans, "It's our day but it's
really her day. She's been planning this day since Day One. She's
been planning before Day One." These repeated images and comments
highlight the importance of the wedding for the women in these
episodes; the main role their grooms play is "guy at altar," basically.
The episode featuring Amy, who has been with Mark for five years and
lives with him on the same property her parents, serves as a notable
example of an extreme "superbride."3 This episode is marked by
Amy's constant bossiness, penchant for tirades, and verbal abuse of
her parents, which they seem to take in stride (for example, she
tells her father to "Shut up" and says "F--- you" several
times). Amy oversees every minute aspect of her wedding at a mansion
in the New York countryside, from the coordination and assemblage of
gift baskets for guests, which includes gluing artificial flowers to
guests' flip flops ("Wait for me to tell you what to do," she orders
the women helping her), to the details of her couture-made wedding
gown. Her mother comments, "She's a girl with a mind of her own, she
knows what she wants." Her future husband Mark even acknowledges her
controlling nature when he explains to the viewer that, "Amy wears
the pants. She's the boss of the family." Indeed, Mark is rarely
seen in this episode; he goes off-roading on motor bikes just hours
before the wedding and mainly stays out of Amy's way.
Several times, Amy simply walks away from situations that cause her
stress; she walks out on the priest who makes rules about the couple
saying their own vows during their Catholic mass wedding, she walks
away from her mother when they disagree. On the wedding day, she
becomes upset to find her bouquet is the wrong color, and her parents
nag her about being late to the ceremony as she calmly smokes a
cigarette (their nudging is returned by Amy's frequent directive for
them to "Shut up"). Ironically, this "superbride" is 45 minutes
late to her own wedding. However, Amy's controlling nature
apparently doesn't bother Mark, as he tells her in front of the
wedding audience, "You are my sunshine, my angel," and Amy's
seemingly stressful wedding preparations all work out in the end, as
she says in the voice-over conclusion, "In the future, I'll forget
all the worry and stress that went into planning this wedding." Both
Amy's parents, her husband, and the viewer forgive her bad behavior
by the time they see her in her bridal glory.
While the take-control, almost-masculine, attitudes of these
"superbrides" demonstrate on the surface their independent attitude,
they still adhere to feminine ideals of physical beauty and play the
role of demure bride on their wedding day. Thus, ironically, even as
they control their "special day," they succumb to and happily accept
the stress, worry, and even pain required to look the part of the
blushing bride.
In the end, however, their worth as females depends on their ability
to finally marry a man in a ceremony that symbolizes the
complementary nature of woman, rather than her independence as a
whole human being. This is illustrated by Cara, a Wall Street broker
who has earned a seat on the New York Stock Exchange, who plans and
gets her "fairytale" wedding. Thus, even as women like Cara make
progress in the male-dominated business world, they still value the
self-image of "princess," denoting a secondary status of royalty (as
opposed to king or queen), an ideal which Real Weddings from the Knot embraces.
Expectation and Resolution of Snafus
As stress and worry characterize the "superbride" in these episodes,
the weddings themselves are marked by potential disasters and real
disasters (often exaggerated by brides' stress) before or on the
wedding day. These range from rather big problems, such as inclement
weather and fear of parental fights, to ones that might ruin the
bride's perfect day. Almost as if to warn viewers to avoid outdoor
weddings, bad weather serves as the villain of several episodes, such
as the impending hurricane that threatens Katie and Gus' Jamaican
destination wedding (it cleared up just before their wedding on the
beach), or the rain that Cara (the fairytale bride/Wall Street
broker) insisted would not ruin her outdoor wedding at a castle-style
mansion (the wedding guests were given umbrellas).
Dealing with personalities and broken relationships served as
possible derailments for several weddings. For Sarah, whose parents
went through a bitter divorce, her biggest worry was that "World War
III" would break out at her wedding in Hawaii (it didn't). Amy and
Bill had to hire a wedding coordinator to deal with the seemingly
disagreeable wedding coordinator at the country club where they held
their wedding (Amy comments that the country club coordinator
"sucks"). The melding of new families also serves as a potential
obstacle to the perfect wedding. For example, Sarah Jane's young
daughter has difficulties accepting Nate as her new father. However,
in the end, these problems all work out, somehow, and fail to mar the
beautiful wedding that concludes each episode.
Snafus on the wedding day itself also feature prominently, as brides
and wedding coordinators scramble to ensure all goes as planned. For
example, the wedding coordinator of Alem and Johannes' wedding nearly
freaks out when she discovers that the groomsmen's corsages have been
distributed in error and without her supervision (oh,
well). Superbride Amy's many snafus—the wrong color bouquet, the
disallowance of personal vows during her Catholic ceremony—also are
resolved in time for the wedding. A cicada invasion worries Sarah
Jane as she counts down the day until her outdoor ceremony (it goes
off without a hitch).
As an example to show that nothing will derail the wedding and
reception in these episodes, Xylina and Eric's destination wedding at
a Mexican resort faces problems at every turn (thanks to their
friend, who appears to be the world's worst wedding
coordinator). Guestrooms under construction are not finished,
catering for their pre-wedding party arrives hours late, they cannot
get a wedding license, and the officiant never shows up for their
ceremony. The wedding reception goes on, however, despite the fact
the Xylina and Eric never actually get married!
In that all the episodes end with a successful wedding, or, in the
case of Xylina and Eric, a successful reception, with commentaries by
the brides on how well things went and how it was all worth it in the
end, the program as a whole implies that all weddings will be
successful, and, logically, their marriages will be, too. These
portrayals also infer that viewers should expect to have problems and
stress in planning their own weddings, otherwise it would not be a
true wedding. Indeed, the actual wedding ceremony portion of the
program is given very little time, with most of the episodes devoted
to wedding planning and details rather than on the quality of the
relationship between bride and groom.
Wedding Details and Consumerism
As viewers watch the wedding plans unfold, noticeable attention is
given to items specifically chosen for the ceremony, such as the
aforementioned all-important wedding gown, shoes, bridesmaid's
dresses, flowers, wedding cake, entertainment, in the form of live
bands and recorded music, and locale. Larger scale weddings take
place at some sort of unique venue, such as historic mansion or
hotel, country estate, or exclusive club. For example, writer Susan
Orlean and husband John hold their upscale Manhattan wedding at the
The Explorer's Club and hire a gospel choir to provide music;
millionaire John and model Danielle marry at a Newport mansion;
Alison, an antiques store owner, and Tommy, a stockbroker, have their
wedding at Alison's parent's horse farm, complete with 7,000 flowers
and 9,000 square-foot tent to hold their 800 guests.
Attention to details such as party favors for guests emphasizes the
importance of items and gifts as ways for couples to imbue their
weddings with a personal touch. For example, John and Danielle give
boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts to guests, specially delivered in a
vintage-style Krispy Kreme truck, and Sarah Jane and Nate make
personalized CD's with "their song." Specifics on wedding cakes also
get attention, as the viewer goes along with Amy and Bill as they
consult with their wedding cake baker on their novelty,
shopping-themed cake, or watch Jessa, a research scientist and bride
"on a budget," bake and decorate her own wedding cake.
The wedding budget serves as the central theme of Jessa's wedding
with Jeff, a medical student. In the episode, viewers are told
simply that they are on a budget, and see them shop for wedding items
at Wal-Mart. This couple handcrafts nearly everything for their
wedding, from the corsages and bridesmaids' dresses by Jessa, to the
platforms for special lanterns built by Jeff. While the television
version of their story emphasizes their tight budget and the amount
of work they put into creating their version of the dream wedding,
the online synopsis of their episode terms their wedding as being on
"a graduate student budget of only $6,000." By emphasizing the
"homemade" quality of their wedding, with even the couple commenting
that others might call them "cheap," but they prefer "thrifty," the
message conveyed suggests that Jessa and Jeff cannot do much with
their $6,000—and couples with similarly "small" budgets should expect
to bake their own cakes as well (using Betty Crocker cake mix to
boot). In short, in order to have a decent wedding without having to
shop at Wal-Mart, couples need to emulate the other weddings in the
series, which obviously cost much more. Juxtaposed with the more
sumptuous weddings, Jessa and Jeff's homemade country wedding, as
well as Whitney and Jeff's country style barbeque reception, look
shabby; the resulting message to viewers reinforces the "big, white
wedding" ideal in which guests are treated to lavish parties and gifts.
Though not as blatant as Weddings of a Lifetime (Levine, 2005),
product promotion does occur on Real Weddings from the
Knot. Name-dropping is rare in these episodes, but does occur
occasionally. For example, Sarah Jane's daughter holds up her
special child-sized shoes and announces they are by "Kenneth
Cole." Tiffany's gown is by Vera Wang; she chooses Lazaro gowns for
her bridesmaids. For the most part, however, specific names of
designers are not mentioned, although a bride may hold up a specific
item for a close up. For example, Lori holds up what she terms
"hooker-red" shoes for her bridesmaids, and writer Susan Orlean
comments extensively on her final decision for her bridal outfit, a
cream-colored dress (she had originally wanted to wear black).
True to its mission to provide resources and retail information about
weddings, the Knot's web site offers viewers even more details on all
these couples' weddings, including vendor information. Phone numbers
and web site addresses and direct online links for retailers,
florists, and locales are included with each online version of
couples' wedding stories. Viewers who like what they see can simply
go online to find out where to get the items and contact caterers and
other wedding service providers, including beauty salons, make-up
artists, photographers, and consultants. For example, if viewers
like Alem and Johannes' wedding cake, they can go online and find a
clickable link to "Fancy Cakes by Leslie."
Discussion
The wedding provides a venue in which women can still and are still
expected to show and display to others their femininity. The one day
in which a woman, any woman, can be a star is her wedding day, and
the reward for adhering to a hegemony of femininity is a temporary
status of being a celebrity, as noted by Boden: "Overwhelmingly,
femininity is conceptualized as 'picture-perfect,' triggering visual
pleasure for the bride as well as her audience for conforming to the
cultural requirements for a successful bridal appearance" (2003, p. 62.)
In the same way, Real Weddings from the Knot enhances the ideal of
womanly perfection, reinforcing not only heterosexual marriage, but
expectations of beauty, attention to detail, and interest in clothes,
shopping, and spending. While the "superbride" might encounter
problems along the way, her efforts, tears, and nervousness will be
worth it in the end as she walks down the aisle in her designer gown
to her awaiting groom. Viewers receive the "happy ending" every
time, which implies that if the bride can endure wedding planning,
then the marriage will be easy in comparison.
The main themes presented here contribute to the overriding message
of Real Wedding from the Knot: women who want "perfect" weddings
must not only look the part of the star, but must direct their own
weddings, which are in essence, productions involving actors,
costumes, props, and sets. Any worthwhile endeavor, such as the
wedding, the most important day of a woman's life, involves stress,
worry, and risks—including the whims of Mother Nature, forgetful
bridal party members, uncooperative wedding coordinators, and
florists who make mistakes—and sufficient expenditure, lest one
thoroughly enjoys shopping at Wal-Mart.
All couples featured in Real Weddings from the Knot are heterosexual,
furthering the hegemonic ideal of the wedding as for man-woman
couples only. By presenting weddings as glamorous events, the
program enhances wedding "pageantry" noted by Adrienne Rich (1980),
and endorses compulsory heterosexuality, society's expectation that
women marry men and thus lead fulfilling lives. Through this reality
television show, the Knot thus completes the circuit between
entertainment, information, and, ultimately, merchandising. In the
process, it re-establishes the big, intricately-planned wedding as
the ideal and the image of the beautiful and beautifully-dressed
bride as the pinnacle of femininity.
Beyond forwarding the hegemony of femininity, which requires "real
women" to be able to plan and play the star of their special days,
Real Weddings from the Knot coupled with the Knot's online and
magazine versions forward an economic agenda—that of maintaining a
multi-billion industry that emphasizes women's roles as objects of
physical beauty and complements to men. In terms of feminism,
programs like Real Weddings from the Knot portray strong women who
"know what they want" and have found success in the business world.
Even as brides assume the leadership role of wedding planning, they
perpetuate these notions which ultimately devalue them and the
concept of "love" by suggesting they can find happiness and
fulfillment through the attainment of material goods.
By ignoring alternatives, such as the low-key city hall ceremony or
"quickie" Vegas chapel wedding, and portraying low-budget weddings
such as Jessa and Jeff's $6,000 wedding as "thrifty" (that is,
"cheap"), the show furthers the Knot's true agenda of ensuring its
own financial success. Placed within the wider context of mass
media, the Knot, through its many media and retail alliances, and
outlets on the Internet, in print, and on television, provides an
ideal subject of a case study of media conglomeration in the 21st
century. It also serves as an example of the ability of a single
entity to disseminate a cultural hegemony that furthers both
traditional societal values regarding the role of women and the
profiting from an industry that appears to remain firmly entrenched
in the female realm.
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Footnotes
1 I acknowledge that feminism as a concept exists in various forms
and has been defined in differently, based on various perspectives
(radical, liberal, Marxist, socialist, etc.). I approach this study
using a broad version of feminism that addressed the status of women
in this society and the progress of women toward
egalitarianism. This perspective/approach is based on the concepts
of feminism as a belief system consisting of political practices and
ideas dedicated to the progress of women and the transformation of
patriarchy (Wood, 2003), and Foss and Foss's (1989) description of
feminist research as centering on women and regarding gender as the
central element studied.
2 Of the 21 total episodes produced as of January, 2005, one was not
recorded due to technical difficulties. For this analysis, the
following episodes were viewed (air dates and couples): June,
2003—Jessa and Jeff, Danielle and John, Catina and Todd, Whitney and
Jeff, Susan and John; January, 2004—Orisha and John, Kaijsa and Ryan,
Cara and Aaron, Lori and Mark, Sarah and Mark; October, 2004—Katie
and Gus, Amy and Bill, Sarah Jane and Nate, Jen and Jeff, Amy and
Mark; January, 2005—Christin and Michael, Tiffany and Calvin, Allison
and Tommy, Alem and Johannes, Xylina and Eric.
3 Amy's behaviors are reminiscent of demanding behaviors of brides
as described in the popular book Bridezilla: True Tales from
Etiquette Hell by Noe Spaemme and Jeanne Hamilton (2002, Salado
Press). Though the book uses a humorous approach in discussing bad
manners exhibited by brides who seek to create the perfect wedding,
it offers insight into how obsessive wedding planning can go awry and
the problems created by some brides' materialistic concerns.